Dead deer in church

I live in a small town. And I teach what can loosely be called choir for the 3- to 6-year olds at the Methodist church there.

I guess I got the gig because no one else wanted to do it. But I like kids, I’m a goofball and I like to sing, so it seemed like a good fit.

I have a crew of about six young’uns who are more like a box of squirmy kittens than an angelic chorus. And most of them have no interest in singing, so I have to be creative.

We routinely belt out a simple little ditty called “Rejoice In The Lord Always.” It goes like this:

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice (clap, clap).

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice (clap, clap).

Rejoice, rejoice, and again I say rejoice (clap, clap).

Rejoice, rejoice, and again I say rejoice (clap, clap).

To add a bit of interest, I have the kids do the song acting like a variety of animals. We’ll do an alligator where we extend our arms and chomp, chomp them together. Then follow it with a hamster and pinch our thumbs and pointy fingers for the clapping part.

“Let’s do a deer!” said one camo-clad half-pint.

It could only happen in a small town church...

I had them put up their hands to their heads like midget 10-pointers and scrape around the choir room.

“Let’s do a dead deer!” he said after the first round.

So instead of clapping, we held up our arms as rifles and said, “Bang. Bang.” And the kids all fell to the ground.

I’m not kidding. This really happened.

Like I said, it’s a small town where most folks hunt or are at least OK with it. Even so, I may never be asked to do children’s choir at my church again.